Still Working

I am still working on my relationship with the Lord.  Trying to bridge the chasm that seemed to stretch between us.  And I know God is still working on it too....the songs and Bible verses keep coming at me.  He is good, even when I don't understand His ways.  I know that.  Deep down I know that.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day.  It's a tradition in my church to hand out little gifts to the women who attend services there.  This year, a little devotional book of hope and encouragement was included with a book mark.  The book was entitled "Be Still and Know,"  the bookmark had the verse, "Be still and know that I am God..."    That is such a difficult position to take.  The position of stillness. The picture forms of  a location of waiting and trust, a setting of peacefulness while standing by, watchfully waiting on the Lord.

More often than not I fuss, fidget and fret over the small things that occur to disrupt the well planned flow of my day.  When those little things start piling up, melt down follows and mistrust in God grows.  And I believe this whole walk through the last couple of weeks, God is showing me the root of my frustration, failures and dare I name it, rage at small nothings is based in my inability to believe God is for me.  That He wants to do me good.  I, like Eve, think God is holding back. There is a deep root of unbelief in my life that holds me back from being the person both I and God want me to be.  I don't know where it came from.  I am not sure that it matters where....if God wants me to know He will reveal it.  Perhaps my deep seated insecurities about myself disables my ability to trust anyone would want love or favor me.  That "second class" mentality that I've carried all my life because I felt like I was never really good at anything.

This is been quite the learning process.  And I have a long way to go.  My heart is still raw in all this. I have serious doubts about everything.  And I know it's time to lay down this unbelief and mistrust for good.  Time to "be still and know."   God is so good and patient with us.  I am so grateful for that. Most people would have walked away from me by now, given up on me.  Heck, I want to give up on me and walk away.  LOL  Yet my heavenly Father continues to gently correct, lovingly encourage, and sweetly care for me throughout it all.  And hopefully, prayerfully He is doing the same for someone reading this---my trials will be a blessing to another, encouraging others to stay the course.

Psalm 46:10  Be still, and know that I am God!  I will be honored by every nation.  I will be honored throughout the world.   And He will be honored in my life.

Praying for victory.  Praying for growth.  Praying for God to be glorified.  Thankful for His patience, thankful for forgiveness, thankful for His love.  Prayers for all of us to be believers!

Be still today.

I have a prayer request.  A dear friend and sister in the Lord is going through an extremely difficult time.  Please lift up this unspoken request to the Lord for me.  Thank you.