As my post from Tuesday explained, I am kind of in a dark limbo right now. My heart feels frozen and my faith is extremely weak. Yet through all of this, sadness, anger, doubt, stubbornness, God still reaches out to me...proving more and more that it really is about Him, not me, that He really is faithful, even when I am at my worst and my faith is all but non-existent. I know in my heart of hearts that He is good, although my emotions are not catching up with that fact. I am not in a place of getting past this right now, but He is not giving up. And so it is my prayer that this clouded part of my pathway through life brings hope to my readers who may be in a similar place---feeling lost and hurting. Don't give up. And I won't either.
God had more to say today, more to let me (an you) know about what's in His heart. Bible verses and some good teaching have brought some soothing to my spirit. A little bit of comfort and peace to a weary heart. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 This verse was atop the page of my prayer journal. And though I find it hard to believe for a future or see any hope, I know God sees it and that will have to be enough for now. Psalm 19:7-8 came up in a study I am doing and it felt like I was being covered in healing aloe, like cool, refreshing water flowing over my soul. The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. I don't know why that verse feels so good, but it does. I guess it's a "God hug." LOL
And teaching--I'm doing a study called "Redeemed" by Angela Thomas Pharr. A couple of things she said really reached out to me. One, "God's love for you is not broken." I know she mean this to mean that it doesn't stop, there is no break in His love for us when we fail or flounder. But I also got the feeling it could mean His love is not broken in that it works perfectly. There is never a time in my life when His love isn't working correctly, even when I don't understand why things are the way they are or why life hurts and seems so hard. His love does not need to be fixed! She also said "Deserving God's love is not a prerequisite for receiving His love." It's really that simple.
God continues to reassure me and hopefully through me, you, that His love is forever. He is not giving up on us. He has plans, He has us covered. He is patient and He is kind.
Thank You again Lord. I am still struggling with receiving all this. Still in a wary, doubtful place. But I know You healing will come. I pray for those of us who struggle so often, that You will carry us through and that we will trust more.
Shall we try to believe today? I know it's scary. I am scared too. Maybe it's about believing who God is rather than what He should do.
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