Death Where is Thy Sting

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in human existence.  Losing a loved one without the hope of everlasting life with Jesus is absolutely devasting.  

I've been going through old pictures and memorabilia the last couple of weeks and yesterday I came to the printed out version of Godvisits from the time of my Mom's death.  What a beautiful testament to God's gently kindness and tenderhearted care.  Reading them refreshed my heart in seeing His faithfulness and sweet concern over my hurting heart.  

A couple of friends have lost loved ones lately, and one friend had a significant "anniversary" of the death of their husband, so I've been thinking about my own losses over the years and the pain that went along with them.  It's said that time heals all wounds...but I'm not exactly sure that is an accurate description..  The question I've been pondering has been, "What does this healing look like."  

After the death of my fiance a few days before our wedding I was devastated.  I did not have a strong walk with the Lord and I drifted into the wilderness of drugs and alcohol.  It was quite a few years before I put my hand in Jesus' and walked out of that desert wasteland.   

Life goes on after the death of a loved one.  Even though it may seem like yours or mine has stopped, and it seems so unfair that everyone else's just keeps doing their everyday normal.  After losing someone "normal" does not exist anymore for you.  But the days and weeks pass by and slowly you adjust to the new "normal."  New routines become common.  Sadness walks alongside every day life but you manage, (mostly or kind of) to put one foot in front of the other.  And then there is the abyss inside.  It's a place of overwhelming sorrow and darkness, almost physical, living inside your heart that could very easily consume you if you let it.  Opening that place up, you'd feel like you'd fall head first into the painful darkness and never return. 

And this is where my thoughts on "healing" came from this week.  I think healing isn't exactly like healing from a cut or broken bone.  This kind of healing from such deep wounds leaves a scar...that scar is the door that Jesus has closed to that aforementioned abyss.  We learn to function without the person, get used to the new normal (geez I hate that thought and expression) of our lives, and even learn to smile at their memory instead of cry.  But Jesus leaves us with that locked door.  And there is a reason He leaves it with us.  It's so we can be a comfort to others when they lose dear ones.  Jesus unlocks that door so we can remember and come alongside those who are suffering as we did.  This is the healing He gives us.  Our pain is always with us, but now Jesus puts it to good use.  

I am pretty sure I would never willingly go through all the losses I did, especially since they were all so close together.  In order: childhood dog, fiance, other childhood dog, Uncle, Dad, friend, friend Aunt/Godmother.  From 1988 until 1993 ,one after another the losses came.  But I will willingly let Jesus use them to help others.  I will let Him unlock and open that door anytime He decides it's necessary.  I submit that pain to Him.  And maybe that's part of the healing too.  The willingness to feel that pain again to help another, because I can.  Because in Jesus I am stronger and can face it now.  I can look behind that door into the abyss and know it will not consume me because Jesus now uses it as a tool in my life.  What a beautiful blessing.  

Lord, thank You.  I do have healing.  And I know others can too.  I know that healing only comes from You.  Time doesn't do it.  Words don't either.  Family and friends can't make the pain lessen or go away.  And I know from experience avoiding the pain...whether through drugs, alcohol or even getting lost in fiction books...none of it works.  But You delivered me to life again.  I am ever so grateful  And I pray that You will do that for others as they navigate this sad journey of loss.  Be with them.   Comfort them and be there with them.  Hold them as they weep and scream and die inside.  I am so grateful that we do not grieve as those who have no hope.  Even when we miss them so, we know that each day we get through here is one day closer to seeing them again.  You told me that one day when I felt like I was getting so far away from my loved ones.  Even then You comforted me.  I am grateful they are in Heaven.  I am grateful for Your sacrifice on the Cross and subsequent resurrection which gives that hope.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen.  

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any [a]trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Things Go Wrong, from Mom

I haven't done Mom's journal for a while and thought since her birthday was this week it would be a good time to get back into it.  Today's entry is about when life doesn't work the way we want it to.  In and of itself this is a God visit since I was just reading in today's devotional from "Women of the Bible" by Ann Spangler and Jean E. Syswerda.  We are on Sarah.  Her (and Abraham's) plans certainly hit some bumps in the road.  And her desire for having a child was delayed until she was an old woman.  I'm thinking she definitely felt like things went very wrong for her.

When things don't go right.

1 Peter 5:6-11 6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.  10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.

Psalm 57  Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!  I look to you for protection.  I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.  2 I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me. 3 He will send help from heaven to rescue me, disgracing those who hound me. My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness. 4 I am surrounded by fierce lions who greedily devour human prey—whose teeth pierce like spears and arrows, and whose tongues cut like swords.5 Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens!  May your glory shine over all the earth.  6 My enemies have set a trap for me. I am weary from distress.  They have dug a deep pit in my path, but they themselves have fallen into it.  7 My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident.  No wonder I can sing your praises!  8 Wake up, my heart!  Wake up, O lyre and harp!  I will wake the dawn with my song.  9 I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.  I will sing your praises among the nations.  10 For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.  11 Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.  May your glory shine over all the earth.

God knows when we face disappointments, pain of rejection, feelings of isolation in lonely times.  He sees our hearts.  We must always come to him first.  Take action:  Stop relying on ourselves.  Start relying on God.  Immediately talk to God.  Be sensitive to His will.  Work through each situation. 

Perhaps God is trying to teach me about His faithfulness.  Could God be trying to get my attention?  

From me.

I would add to that, "Am I in need of correction?  Is God wanting to do a work in my character?  How will this bring Him glory?"

This whole entry so much lines up with watching the Sarah sago unfold in the Bible.  She willingly followed her husband away from family and everything familiar only to be met with a famine that drove them into Egypt.  Then her husbands asks her to lie about who she is to him, only to end up in the Pharaohs harem.  And finally, being childless, feeling empty, rejected, lonely...she comes up with the idea to use her maidservant to have a child, giving Hagar to her husband as a wife.  Well that idea works out quite badly. Can you just imagine Sarah's pain every time she saw Mother's with their children?  Can you imagine the heartbreak and isolation she felt?  But in all of this we see God's faithfulness.  We see His plan unfold in an other worldly way that only He could do.  Through these seemingly random and impossible circumstances the Savior of the world came to us!

So when things go wrong, lets vow to trust and seek our Father.  Be in the Word, in prayer with open ears, seek godly wisdom if lead in that direction. Be ready to submit your ideas, plans and decisions to God's will  Things may seem to be falling apart, but with God they are falling into place.  

Lord, thank You!  I look at the story of Sarah and I see Your hand guiding and shaping the destiny of the world.  It's easy to look back and see Your faithfulness.  But so often we fail to rest in that faithfulness and we worry and fret and reason our way into a melt down or bad decisions when things go awry.  Strengthen our faith.  Remind us to rest in You.  I've seen this play out in my own life time and time again.  You have a plan.  Help us to remain faithful as You are faithful.  Even when those plans take way longer then we think they should.  It's in Jesus' Name I pray, amen.

Read the story of  Sarah.  Genesis 12:1-20, 16:1-8, 17:1-22, 18:1-15, 21:1-13.

That Time of the Year Again

Happy New Year all.  I am praying God's blessing over us, our families and our time this year.  I pray that God will make His Presence known in new and beyond belief ways.  Twice in the past few days  I've heard this portion of Scripture.  It must be quite important to God to not only give it to me, but also impress upon me to share it with others.  I shared it this morning with a friend who is experiencing a beautiful peace and growth in her life, seeing things work out in ways she hadn't planned or imagined.  I now share it with you all too.  I know our Father wants to encourage us in the smooth sailing and the storms.  From 1 Corinthians 2:9 That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”  

I have a few goals or resolutions for this year.  I feel like God always gives me something to work on and I love that!   This is what's in my heart: Trust in the small stuff.  You know, all those little things that don't go our way and make for quite an annoying little pile up in our days.   Trusting God's heart.  He is kind, He takes perfect care of me and works all things for my good, His good purpose, and His glory.  I will submit (bow) before Him each day...submitting to Him in all things.  Submission, not complaint.  Accepting not rejecting.  I will live what I say I believe. Psalm 23 will be my go to Scripture this year and I will live like I actually believe it.  

What has our Lord put in your heart?  Where does He want to lead you this year?  What does He want to change, increase or decrease in your life?  

I thank God for this exciting new year to live for Him.  I am grateful that He always has new plans for us and longs to work with us to make us exactly who we are supposed to be, the best versions of us, the us He created us to be.  

Ephesians 2:14-21 14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.  20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

Follow God's path for yourself this year.  Take time to pray and ask what He wants to do.  

Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.   2  He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.  3  He renews my strength.  He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.  4 Even when I walk  through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.  Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.  5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.  You honor me by anointing my head with oil.  My cup overflows with blessings.  6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.