Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in human existence. Losing a loved one without the hope of everlasting life with Jesus is absolutely devasting.
I've been going through old pictures and memorabilia the last couple of weeks and yesterday I came to the printed out version of Godvisits from the time of my Mom's death. What a beautiful testament to God's gently kindness and tenderhearted care. Reading them refreshed my heart in seeing His faithfulness and sweet concern over my hurting heart.
A couple of friends have lost loved ones lately, and one friend had a significant "anniversary" of the death of their husband, so I've been thinking about my own losses over the years and the pain that went along with them. It's said that time heals all wounds...but I'm not exactly sure that is an accurate description.. The question I've been pondering has been, "What does this healing look like."
After the death of my fiance a few days before our wedding I was devastated. I did not have a strong walk with the Lord and I drifted into the wilderness of drugs and alcohol. It was quite a few years before I put my hand in Jesus' and walked out of that desert wasteland.
Life goes on after the death of a loved one. Even though it may seem like yours or mine has stopped, and it seems so unfair that everyone else's just keeps doing their everyday normal. After losing someone "normal" does not exist anymore for you. But the days and weeks pass by and slowly you adjust to the new "normal." New routines become common. Sadness walks alongside every day life but you manage, (mostly or kind of) to put one foot in front of the other. And then there is the abyss inside. It's a place of overwhelming sorrow and darkness, almost physical, living inside your heart that could very easily consume you if you let it. Opening that place up, you'd feel like you'd fall head first into the painful darkness and never return.
And this is where my thoughts on "healing" came from this week. I think healing isn't exactly like healing from a cut or broken bone. This kind of healing from such deep wounds leaves a scar...that scar is the door that Jesus has closed to that aforementioned abyss. We learn to function without the person, get used to the new normal (geez I hate that thought and expression) of our lives, and even learn to smile at their memory instead of cry. But Jesus leaves us with that locked door. And there is a reason He leaves it with us. It's so we can be a comfort to others when they lose dear ones. Jesus unlocks that door so we can remember and come alongside those who are suffering as we did. This is the healing He gives us. Our pain is always with us, but now Jesus puts it to good use.
I am pretty sure I would never willingly go through all the losses I did, especially since they were all so close together. In order: childhood dog, fiance, other childhood dog, Uncle, Dad, friend, friend Aunt/Godmother. From 1988 until 1993 ,one after another the losses came. But I will willingly let Jesus use them to help others. I will let Him unlock and open that door anytime He decides it's necessary. I submit that pain to Him. And maybe that's part of the healing too. The willingness to feel that pain again to help another, because I can. Because in Jesus I am stronger and can face it now. I can look behind that door into the abyss and know it will not consume me because Jesus now uses it as a tool in my life. What a beautiful blessing.
Lord, thank You. I do have healing. And I know others can too. I know that healing only comes from You. Time doesn't do it. Words don't either. Family and friends can't make the pain lessen or go away. And I know from experience avoiding the pain...whether through drugs, alcohol or even getting lost in fiction books...none of it works. But You delivered me to life again. I am ever so grateful And I pray that You will do that for others as they navigate this sad journey of loss. Be with them. Comfort them and be there with them. Hold them as they weep and scream and die inside. I am so grateful that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. Even when we miss them so, we know that each day we get through here is one day closer to seeing them again. You told me that one day when I felt like I was getting so far away from my loved ones. Even then You comforted me. I am grateful they are in Heaven. I am grateful for Your sacrifice on the Cross and subsequent resurrection which gives that hope. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any [a]trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
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