So, needless to say, I didn't have the greatest "me and God" day. I was still angry, still disappointed. I was socially distancing God! Just that morning I had read a devotional entitled "Celebrate Change." The author (Joyce Meyer) encouraged me to realize that while I needed to change certain thoughts and behaviors, I could still enjoy the Lord's acceptance and love. As I worked with the Holy Spirit, He would work on my weak spots and failures. Well, as we can see from the above conversation, I had some work to do. I need a lot more trust and faith and a lot less wanting my way.
Well, at the time the devotional felt empty to me. I was still in a snit with the Lord, and it was all dry words on a page. So after a quick read and thank You Lord, off I went to plow through the hours of Monday. Fast forward to lunch time. I took out my "Prayer Journal for Women," intending to start the week's entries. I read the two verses that accompanied this week. Okay. What. Not seeing anything here. Hummph. And then I started writing in the section entitled, "things on my heart." As I poured out my thoughts on how I felt so distant from my Father right then, I realized the whole disappointment with His unwillingness to help me get a good nights sleep had left me pulling back from Him. I couldn't connect. As I shared my feelings the first verse came to mind. 1 Kings 19:11-13 The Lord said, "God out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
In the reflection section of this weeks exercise, the explanation was given that in order to hear someone whisper, you need to be right next to them. Well, I heard nothing in this mornings devotional, the verses here felt empty to me as well....what was the explanation? I had moved away from God. A. Because He had disappointed me. B. Because I felt ashamed of my behavior towards Him that day. I had moved away and couldn't hear His still, small voice. Wow. As I sat there contemplating this whole things, peace settled in my heart. It wasn't a rushing wave, or cascading waterfall...but a gentle stillness that overtook my heart. I knew I had moved back into His embrace.
No matter what happens, we get mad at God, we feel like a failure, we walk away from His Presence, open arms await us when we turn back. As we get closer, we hear our Father's whisper calling us home. As I sit here I am still so thrilled and overwhelmed with my Father's love. And grateful.
Do you feel distant from God? Did you walk away in pain and disappointment? Are you ashamed of your sin and failure? His heart is open, there is always room for us to return. His love waits and remains true. Luke 15:32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. The Lord will always celebrate our return to Him.
Lord, thank You. You know my impatience, You know my childish ways, You know me inside and out, and still welcome me back to Your Presence. Thank You for never turning Your back, for never walking away. Your love never fails. Help us to stay close so that we may hear Your whispers of love and mercy. In Jesus Name, amen.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)
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