Breakdowns and Meltdowns

Okay, so much to catch up on like I said.  Many God visits over the last few weeks.  I was living on a high note when I last recorded an entry (excepting yesterdays), and of course since I felt like I was experiencing victory the enemy came in like a flood!!  grrrr!!  But God has definitely been faithful.

Let's start with the computer, or was it the frig....well one or the other died and then of course the other decided it didn't want to work either!!  Why do electronics and appliances never seem to go kaput on their own, they always take another piece of machinery with them!?!?!?!  So starting with expensive break downs, then having to do all the research on finding which new ones to buy (not that we really have the $$$  for this, but a refrigerator is kind of a necessity, as is a computer these days)....feeling like I wasn't getting help, (you know, when you feel like you are the only one responsible for making important decisions), then there was work being work....One thing was going wrong after the other and meltdown was seemingly inevitable and of course it happened.  I have to admit, I was not very nice the the Lord.  Even though that morning He had given me an encouraging message in my "Jesus Calling" devotional.  It said, "Hardships are part of the journey too.  I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage with a tenderness you can hardly imagine.  Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among my most favored gifts."

Well, by the time I had gotten to work that day, all that seemed to fly out the window.  As the night wore on all I could do was grind my way through the day, barely being civil to the Lord, doing more complaining than anything.  Being thankful and looking for the jewels amid affliction seemed fine on paper, sitting quietly in my bed reading the devotional, but when problem after problem after problem after problem kept piling up over the last few days...... well you can see where it was ending up.

BUT GOD......He truly is rich in mercy and tenderness towards us.  As horrible as I was being, He still reached out tenderly to me with a beautiful encouragement from His Word on the back of a truck I was unloading, of all places!!  Psalm 1:3  They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail.  Their leaves never whither and in all they do, they prosper.  

Now, this just seemed like the craziest verse, because it was complete opposite of how I was acting....but the Lord sees us and our circumstances so differently from what we do.  And He was not going to let me forget it, even in the midst of my temper tantrums and meltdowns, even in the middle of all the turmoil and difficulties.  My failure this day was not forever, but a stepping stone to fruit bearing. And then from one of my readings later that day......Hebrews 12:3  Think about all He endured when sinful people did such terrible things to Him, so that you do't become weary and give up. God tells us don't give up when the hard stuff comes !!!

He is so good and I am so grateful that even when I am at my worst, He is, as always, at His best and most loving.