Tantrums

Today I threw a lovely tantrum before I got out of the car at the vets office.  Of course me and the cat and God were the only ones there to hear it....thankfully.  It's been a hard week....vet visits for 2 cats so far, and the bills to match.  And of course the proverbial straw that broke the camels back today was the fact that the little clip that holds the top of the carrier door closed went missing (it was there 2 days ago when I took the 1st cat to the vet!!), and as I was trying to back up my truck (never an easy feat), the cat is trying to push her way out, and I am trying to hold it closed at the same time as my parking the truck!!   Just one in a series of little annoyances this morning that sent me over the edge!!

So of course, I was railing at God, "you never help me, you must hate me, what's wrong with me, I can't take this anymore.....and you get the picture, on and on it went.  This all was coming on the tail end of a very dark time for me, struggling with some major concerns and heart aches in my life, and the financial burdens of the extra vet bills just sent me in a tail spin.  More importantly, my babies were sick!!   At that point, it seems, it's the little things that just push the final button.

So I got out of the car, picked up the cat in carrier, holding the little door shut on top....and yes this was quiet the accomplishment in my mind, seeing as I still had to open the door to the vet's office.  The cat has been crying since we left the house...not a happy little camper.  So in we go, and we sit down to wait our turn, cat still meowing away.  It was almost like I heard God say to me, "She is so unhappy in the carrier, but you wouldn't let her out, would you?  You know that it would be detrimental and not safe for her to be out of that carrier.  Do you think I would allow you to have your way if I knew it was not good for you?  Even when I hear you cry and complain?"  Oh my goodness.  I am totally at a loss for words here.  God allows or doesn't allow, delivers or doesn't deliver according to His good plan for me.  As I kept Emma in the carrier for her own good, so too, God keeps me in this hard place for my own good.

Thank You Lord.  I still struggle with where I am.  And the circumstances in my life that are hard and that I hate.  But than You for not giving me my own way when You know Your way is best.  Help me to submit and accept Your good, even when it feels bad.

Oh great, said cat is now throwing the litter all over the floor that I just vacuumed and cleaned!!!!  UGH!!!