Failure

Another night, another failure, another day I lost my temper, another volcanic mouth spouting episode.  Why is it so hard to overcome my pride and self-righteous anger?

I know things are unfair at work, but that is no excuse for me to act out.  No excuse to loose my temper, speak unkindly and complain to anyone who will listen. There are right ways to handle the inequity that arises, even if it means all I can do is give it over to You Lord.

But once again, my loving, heavenly Father, after He brought correction, brought comfort and hope.  First He lead me to some verses in Ephesians that I need to commit to memory and to heart.  Lord help me to wrap them in my mind and enclose them in my heart so that they may move and direct my behavior like a hand moves and directs a glove.

Eph. 5:4  Nor should there be any obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

v20:  always giving thanks to God the Father for EVERYTHING, in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Eph 4:29  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to THEIR needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

v32:  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Just noticed that it's THEIR needs I am to be focusing on.  Not my own.  You know how on some Bible verses you may read them 1000 times, but then just notice that one little sparkling jewel on the 1001 reading?   Well that is what just happened to me here....THEIR needs, hmmmm, I believe I will be spending some time pondering that.  A God visit withing a God visit....very cool !!

Ok, so back on track here.  God brought all this conviction to me.  And He made me realize once again how my pride was involved.  But even more so this time.  I always say, "Lord, I just want to be a good witness, do nothing that brings shame to the Christian name."  But as I was writing this prayer in my journal, God shined a little more light in those dark places of my heart.  And even this simple prayer of mine was partially based in pride.  That was so hurtful to hear.  But so helpful as well.  I want MY witness to shine.  MY witness to be perfect. Notice where the emphasis was.  Ouch!!  It really was more about me than God.  Oh my.  That is not something I was expecting to be confronted with this morning.  This brutal honesty is killing me here !!

But our compassionate God did not just leave me there, dangling on the cliff of conviction ready to jump.  He came in and scooped me up in His arms of soft, tender mercies.  We go back to our awesome little book, "31 Days of Praise", day 24.  And this is the part of the 1st paragraph (this totally blew me away!):

"Thank You, my loving and sovereign God, that my failures and mistakes are part of the 'all things' You work together for good...as well as my tensions and stresses, my hostile and anxious feelings, my regrets, my trips into shame and self-blame--and the specific things that trigger them.  I praise You that 'all things,' including these, can contribute to my spiritual growth and my experience of You..."

AMAZING.  God is AMAZING!   Can you believe how He went right to the heart of the matter not only in conviction, but then orchestrated the comfort and hope as well?  Even my failures, even my repeated failures, will bring His purpose to completion.  Lord, let even my failures bring You glory, bring honor to Your name. I know I cannot overcome the prideful tendencies of my heart on my own.  But through Your power, Your strength, Your will.....Thank You even in these failures. Thank You for them, for what brings them about, and thank You that You will work even the worst and darkest leanings of my heart to good and glory.