Blocked?

Do you ever feel blocked?  Blocked from a connection with God?  I have struggled with this for a very long time.  Sometimes, even though I am praying and worshiping and studying...I feel disconnected.  It's frustrating and saddening.  I've gone to the Lord over and over with this, "Take it away Father!"  I've cried out many times.  I'll be saying words of worship, and yet, even though I know with all my heart and mind that our Lord is worthy, my emotions feel flat.  I want more!  

As I was worshiping  (in obedience and full knowledge that He is worthy whether I feel it or not), at the start of my morning "God time" recently, the old familiar deadness wormed its way around my heart.  I could fully feel the wall that seems to separate me from my Savior.  A friend once told me that is what she saw in me.  A wall with me on one side and Jesus on the other and He wanted to reach me but the my wall was blocking Him.  I cried out again for the blockage to be taken away.  

The Lord answered me that morning.  And He is even answering more as I type this.  He truly is amazing.  My Father "told" me through His Word that Jesus makes His home in our hearts as we trust Him.  Ephesians 3:17  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  Unbelief, even if it's just in the little things will keep Jesus from making His home in my heart.  And it's the little things I struggle with the most.  A very simply answer from a very wise God.  

In order to connect with my Savior, to allow Him to make my heart His home, I must believe and trust...in all things.  A few weeks ago we talked about truly living like we fully believed Romans 8:28.  This new visit is building on that lesson.  I need to lose the continual questioning, doubting, mistrustful attitude I get every time something doesn't go my way or follow my timing.  Colossians 2:6-7 6 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. 7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.  I think I would much rather be overflowing with thankfulness than doubt and frustration.

I got a picture in my head of my wall.  The bricks made up of unbelief, questions, doubts, faithlessness and mistrust.  I can see Jesus on the other side, longing to break down the divider and make Himself at home in my heart.  I think back to the verse in Matthew 13:58 where Jesus went back to Nazareth and was unable to perform many miracles.  "And so he did only a few miracles there because of their unbelief."  My heart has been like Nazareth.  And I know, that I am the one who must break down this wall.  It's my decision to trust or not trust. 

Well, I've been working on this every day, every moment.  The Holy Spirit has been reminding me to believe.  And I'm getting better and better.  It's still hard.  I still have to let go of the little things into God's hands and let God be God, even if He doesn't do things my way.  I repeat often, "I trust You."  There's a long way to go, I have a lot of bricks in this old wall.  But chip, chip, chip we go!  Jesus and I will chip this wall away piece by piece if necessary, but it is coming down!   

What a mighty God we serve!  He's a way maker, a wall breaker!  Lord, thank You for yet another patient lesson.  You are so sweet towards us.  So loving and kind.  Lord, thank You for teaching me again.  And please use this message You gave me to help others, to deliver them like You are doing for me.  Give us the strength to work with You and be obedient to what You tell us to do.  And let us rest in Your timing and Your love.  In our Savior's most precious Name.  Amen.

Romans 8:28  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

John 20:27  Then He said to Thomas, “Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.”