Examine Yourself

I love God's words of comfort.  I love when it feels like circumstances, readings, songs, etc, make me feel like God is giving me a big hug.  But then there are those other times, the times when the mirror shows something I would rather not see, rather not believe about myself.

Today I was planning on sharing from Mom's journal.  But God had other ideas, once again.  He's got me telling on myself!  I'm not sure I'm all that happy about this!  LOL

At the end of last week I was doing my reading from "Be Still And Know" by Julie Rayburn.  And the reading was on jealousy.  Now, I kind of read it, dismissed the idea, did my praying and went about my day.  Jealousy, no not me, I don't get jealous, no way.  I'm not looking for more clothes, more money, a bigger house, a better car, (well, okay maybe a newer car with less than 150,000 miles on it would be okay).  But I'm pretty okay with what I have, so jealousy, nope, don't see it.

Then came church on Sunday.  My Pastor mentioned we were to be examining ourselves.  On occasion it is necessary to examine ourselves, see where we are at with God, maybe find out what is hiding in the deep, dark recesses of our hearts. Okay, I'm still on level ground here.  I do that from time to time, sometimes even daily!  Not always finding things I like, but still I know I'm a work in progress, God's still chipping away at the rough edges and angles.  But no, still not thinking jealousy is a problem, in fact I kind of forgot about the reading.

Then my before bed "In Touch" reading brought the subject up again, and then again the next night and I started to feel a tad uncomfortable about all this jealousy talk....perhaps it was time to sit with God and examine myself again.  And that's when I found it....ugh, JEALOUSY!  Yes, I actually had this hidden away in my heart, and I could trace the symptoms of anger and resentment that sometimes plague my mind stemming from this nasty root.  Oh my!

Often I feel so inadequate, so inept and I am jealous of those who seem to get it right all the time. Then the resentment and insecurities surface and I get snippy, critical or quiet.  I get jealous of people who seem to be fulfilling their dreams, when so many of mine lay broken behind me.  I get jealous of those who don't have to work, don't seem to struggle....and I'm guessing I have just scratched the surface of this ugly mountain.  Wow, this was not a God visit I really enjoyed.

So what's the remedy to this jealousy?  What's the cure?  Well, I am thinking gratitude is high on the list of Jesus medicine.  Lots of confession and prayer as well.  How about a shot of trust.  Believe God has me in the exact right place He wants me for the exact right reason at the exact right time. And He's working it out for my good because He loves me.  Okay, going forward.....

God, thank You for this visit.  Thank You for bring this ugly heart plant into Your loving light.  Help me to dig it up and throw it out!  I am thankful for all You do in my life, for the place You have me right now, for the abilities and disabilities You allow in my life.  Your plan is so much better than anything I can ever dream of.  Lord, help me to accept where I am, help me to celebrate others and lose myself in Your love.  Jealousy has no place in a heart that is devoted to You.  Forgive me, change me.  In Jesus Name.  Amen

I say to you, dear readers, the same thing my Pastor said to us.  Spend some times with God examining your heart.  Let Him lead and heal.