Ugh

Soooo, I've mentioned that we are working on the book of Luke in our Sunday morning Bible study.  And this weeks reading for me was in chapters 6 and 7.  I started chapter 6 last night, in which Jesus so ardently gave teaching on loving our enemies and doing good to them.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear while I was sitting in my quiet car on my lunch hour last night....but I guess God had other ideas on what I needed!

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full.  But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I consider myself a hard worker.  It's nothing I really control, it's just how God made me, in my DNA as it were.  I really gets my goat when others don't do their jobs.  I know this is an issue for me....It's not my place to judge or worry about what others do or don't do, but that doesn't mean my emotions don't get all riled up when I see work not being done because people are goofing off.  And what makes it worse is that supervisors refuse to address this issue that is an ongoing problem.  So, that is where my head was last night...in a place of anger and frustration.  Loving people and extending mercy (even if it was just in my mind and heart) was not first and foremost in my mind.  Ugh.

And then God!  God gave me this little pep talk/correction.  Love people who hurt me?!?!?  Do good to those who don't deserve it (in my mind anyway)?!?!?  Extend mercy and go the extra mile?!?!?  AHHHHHHH!!  I was at a loss with myself.  "Lord, I just can't seem to do this." was my cry.  And I so want to be obedient in this area....I just can't seem to get past or get over myself.  The funny thing is, the words of Pastor John's sermons came into my head as well....finding joy in obedience.  I know that if I let go of my anger and my expectations, show kindness and love for Jesus' sake, I will be happier and more at peace...and yet my emotions just can't seem to get on board.  It's as if by following what Jesus says would excuse the bad behavior of others.  And it seems so unfair.  And yet I know we are called to this.  Wow.  What a visit!

But it continued....This morning I flipped to today's date on my little calendar (God's Way, Day by Day by Charles Stanley).  So, what was the wisdom for today, you ask?  "It's easy for most of us to extend love to those we like or those who are close to us.  However...our neighbor is not only the person who attends church with us, lives in our neighborhood, or is a person who is like us, but our neighbor is every person who crosses our path...And how are we to express love for our neighbors, those who are enemies as well as those who are friends or family members?  We are to bless them, do good to them, and pray for them."  Okay, did I really want to hear this again this morning?!?!? Ummm, probably not.  Did I really need to??  Ummm, probably so.  I guess the Lord really wants to hammer this into my stubborn brain.  He is  once again chipping away at the ugly hard covering of my heart.

Lord help.  There is nothing in me that is capable of doing this.  But down in my deepest me, I want so much to be obedient.  I know it glorifies You.  I know it will be a witness to others.  I know it will ultimately be for my good and bring me joy.  Help me to get past myself and past my expectations,  past my emotions and past my ideas of fairness, to follow You.  In Jesus Name I pray.  Amen

Love someone who you feel doesn't deserve it. Purposely do something nice for them.