How?

How.  That's my question.  How do people know You?  You the merciful.  You the providing.  You the comforting, strengthening, tenderly caring Abba Father You?  I hear it in song.  I see it in the written word.  But it's not a point of view that I share regularly.  It's not a reality to me.  Sadly, I struggle with not seeing You as a punishing, reap what I sow kind of  God...and since I have not sown well......So HOW? How do others see You the other way?

One of the most touching stories for me is Hagar's in Genesis 16.  She was severely mistreated by her mistress Sarah, and was running from her home with Sarah and Abraham.  God saw her affliction, and spoke strength and comfort to her. She called Him, El Roi....the God who sees me.   I try to remember this name, this story, but unfortunately my memory is short lived, and the minute things go wrong or I start to encounter difficulty I go right back to my "tried and true" (not really I suppose), familiar thought patterns of "God don't You see, God don't You care, God don't You love me, God do you hate me".

2 days ago, as I was listening to some singer crone on about Your wonderful care for them, the questions came again.  HOW?  How do they see this You?  Why do I miss it?

Fast forward, yesterday morning.  We are doing a Bible study on Ephesians at church.  I came upon some verses that really stood out to me...you know the words and phrases that kind of pop off the page.  Really it was a few words in the verses, but those few words zeroed in on the heart of the matter for me reached in and gave my soul a good shake.

Ephesians 2:4  But God is so RICH IN MERCY and He loved us so much...

Ephesians 2:7  So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of His grace and KINDNESS toward us, as shown in all He has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.  

There are the words describing You.  Right there in black and white.  Now---do I want to believe them?  Can I believe them?  Or do I continue in my perceptions (fueled by my spoiled brat emotions) and the god they create in my head?  Do I not see the God they describe in the gratitude list I am making?  When I take that list--that ever growing list--and truly ascribe each and every entry on it as a gift from You--then how can I not see You in the way of Ephesians 2:4, 7, the way the songwriters and authors do?

Lord, I need to remember this.  Focus on this.  Believe this.  Help me to see You clearly, really, and in faith.  I am tired of being mad at You and myself.