Sleep

Peaceful.  Comfortable.  Safe.  Sinking.  Release.  These are the words that come to me when I think of going to sleep at night.  I am one of the blessed people that rarely have any trouble sleeping...Thank You Lord!!

I read an article today in the "In Touch" daily devotional that spoke on the author's inability to sleep well.  She spoke about how it was difficult for her to relax and let go, and so she was unable to get a good restful night's sleep.

This got me thinking....(I know, scary thought for those who know me)...I have no trouble sinking into my pillows and blankets and falling into a deep, snug and secure, untroubled sleep.  But it's the waking hours I have a problem with.  LOL

And then the questions appeared in my thoughts..."Why can't I let go of my anxieties and expectations and turmoils during the waking hours?"  "Why can't I give them over to the Lord, and trust, the way I do when I let my head melt into my pillows at night?"

I love God visits like this.  Sort of  :).   They are so telling and thought provoking...what does the Bible tell us, "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12.  And that is what these God questions feel like....like they cut right to the center of the matter, into the deepest, darkest corners of mind and heart.  Piercing through the convoluted excuses and reasons and rationalizations of my innermost being.  Most of the time I do not come out looking so good in the answers.

Last night at work, (yes that place of trial and testing, my own personal wilderness that I am going round and round in for 40 years---ok, maybe not quite that long, yet LOL), I was hurting pretty badly and feeling like all the consequences of all my wrong life decisions were being played out and asking myself why I even bother to pray for anything seeing as God never answers (at least in the way I think He should), and I never see deliverance or change, because of course I made all those horrible choices and now I have to live with them.....blah blah blah, on and on it went in my head.  Reaping and sowing, all that kind of thinking.  So instead of releasing all the thoughts and worries as I would when I lay my head down at night, I let it infect my heart, becoming more and more heavy and hopeless by the minute..

So my God visit from last night, the last line in the book I was reading, "The Pastor's Wife" by Sabine Wurmbrand, was "We also know that He who steers the universe on its course is our Father and that He hears our prayers."  Hmmmm, what was I just an hour earlier questioning in my mind?  Does God hear my prayers or even care about them from one such as me?  Guess I had my answer.

And now, on to the laying down my head in rest and peace as it were while I am walking through the difficulties of my day.  Can I do this as the Lord wants?  Can I hush the questions and cares of my heart, leaving this life of mine in His capable, loving hands?  Honestly, I don't know.  I would like to say yes yes yes !!!  But I know the unhappiness I carry, I know the struggles I face daily and laying them down to pick up the joy of trusting is something I fail at so often.  I will keep on trying though.  And so I ask for prayers.  And I will pray too, for you my readers, that you will know the joy and restfulness of "closing your eyes and sinking into the pillows" during the waking hours of your day.

Lord, help us.  Help us to trust and find the peaceful rest that comes from leaving all in your hands.  Whether it be in the darkness of the quiet night hours or darkness of the enduring hardships of the day, let us remember and trust.  Let us find joy in knowing that You are steering the universe, capably, lovingly and with a divine purpose that we could never imagine, but that will declare beauty in our lives.  You are the great and skillful weaver, weaving the tapestry of our lives and though we can't see the whole weaving, You do.  Lord, this is really hard...and it means letting go of so many things, both good and bad, feelings and maybe people, and dreams.....but Lord I let them go into Your hands, help us all to put into Your hands the whole of ourselves, our lives and to let You sculpt them into something wonderful.  Calm and heal our hurting, broken hearts.  Let Your joy be our strength.  I close my eyes now, and lay my head to sleep in the pillow of Your love.  In Jesus holy and precious name.   Amen.

Matthew 6:25-33 New Living Translation (NLT)

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Philippians 4:6  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.